If your marriage has ended in an unwanted divorce and you find yourself experiencing waves of sadness, depression, hopelessness, or more, it’s understandable, but there is hope.
While our ministry’s main focus is to provide support and reconciliation tools for couples in a crisis marriage, the truth is, many will end in divorce. Even so, God is a god of hope and not one of despair. Your enemy–Satan–has a plan to keep you down and miserable, filled with guilt, shame, and hopelessness, but God has a plan that includes your happiness and recovery (Jeremiah 29: 11).
We have watched many people recover from divorce and go on to remarry in the Lord, as well as serve in ministry. Sadly, however, we’ve also witnessed the opposite: those who refuse to focus on God and trust Him, who do not make good choices and end up hard and vindictive, or lost in a sea of depression. Based on all the people we have ministered to over the years, here are three of the most common things we have seen that can help you survive if your marriage wasn’t saved.
2. SELF-NURTURE
We have noticed that people in a crisis marriage often give up things they once enjoyed and do not take the time and energy to grow emotionally or spiritually. On the other hand, those who have hobbies and continue learning in order to improve their parenting, finances, relationships, and communication skills, recover quicker if their marriage ends. We have even witnessed cases where reconciliation occured because the spouse who left was drawn back to the spouse who took care of themselves and did the hard work to recover.
3. CULTIVATE A SOFT HEART WITH BOUNDARIES
An angry person is not very attractive, and reconciliation will be nearly impossible if you have bitterness residing in your heart. Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones if your spouse has chosen to end the marriage against your will. Forgiveness is the only way to move on and have joy again. Even if your spouse is in an adulterous affair, or remarries, chances are you will have to see him or her again for parenting, financial, or social reasons. Do whatever it takes to give up your right to retaliate, and create an atmosphere of forgiveness. Additionally, if you end up dating or remarrying one day (most do), your soft heart (with healthy boundaries) will help you avoid unhealthy relationships. You may need to see a professional counselor or your family doctor if you find that you are unable to let go of the hurt and pain on your own, or you are enabling abusive behavior from your spouse. Remember that we are all in an unseen battle in this world, but, even so, Jesus said to trust Him and have joy in John, 16: 33 “…Here on earth you will have many trial and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
WE CAN HELP
We offer online support if you have one of our books. While most of the resources will focus on saving your marriage, Separated and Waiting workbook can help you survive. We also have other resources that are recommended from our ministry liaisons. Contact us for help.
